Day 176 A Journey into Life, Moving to Mexico Part 3 Alone Character

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have created the alone character where I separated myself from myself into a character that creates energy from substance stealing the substance from my physical body.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel alone, lonely, frozen, paralyzed, sad, overwhelmed when I have gotten used to a certain way of living life with my partner and cats and liked the comfort and security of that.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not like to have deal with all the things required to maintaining the house, getting utilities in Spanish, dealing with immigration because I am used to doing it with someone else and feel like I am not doing things properly by myself

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to desire to just go home and not have to deal with all these things and be where everything is familiar

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear that my partner will be glad that I am not around nagging him and that he won’t want to be with me anymore or find someone who is better than me

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel separate from everyone because I cannot speak the language properly and so can’t express myself in the way that I want

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel like a zombie because I don’t feel relaxed within myself and I am used to having someone around that I can do things with that I have an intimacy with

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to need someone else around to do more things with because I don’t like doing them alone

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have memories of being left alone when I was very young and my mother would leave me to go to work and I felt vulnerable and so would entertain myself with watching tv but still felt that something may go wrong and that I wouldn’t be able to handle it

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not like not being able to control things and imagining that my partner is doing things wrong or giving away too much as his nature is to be too generous and I would always keep a check on it.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself for feeling depressed and sleeping more and feeling filled up with sadness that I can’t release.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself for being addicted to having my partner and cats with me so that I can have a ‘positive’ energy experience feeling like a I belong and that I am important to someone

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have back chat like, ‘I’m fucking useless, I don’t want to be alone, I can’t do this alone”

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to hold my physical body very stiffly and slumped over when I am overwhelmed with aloneness

When and as I feel alone or lonely I stop and breathe in and out slowly and see that I am not alone with existence but a part of it. I stay with the physical by breathing and don’t go into the mind of energy entertaining thoughts or personalities

I commit myself to deconstruct the alone character and being HERE as LIFE is with no thoughts, emotions, feelings as I see that being alone is a state of mind that creates energy

I commit myself to be HERE doing one task at a time not judging myself or others because I can’t speak the language.

I commit myself to stop desiring or imagining going home as I see/realize/understand that I go into the mind of unreality, instead I stay HERE and live HERE one breath at a time

I commit myself to stop having fear of being abandoned and not controlling things. I just let it go and take care of myself.

I commit myself to find intimacy with just myself and take this opportunity to be with myself.

I commit myself to do things by myself and not need others with me to do them.

I commit myself to deconstruct all the memories within me as pixels within the flesh so that they don’t have a hold on me as being alone and vulnerable.

I commit myself to deal with the depression and not need others to give me a positive energy experience of not feeling alone.

I commit myself to release the addiction to my partner and cats being around me

I commit myself to stop all back chat about being alone and to stop judging myself

I commit myself to breathing in and out into the physical and standing HERE as LIFE,  ONE and EQUAL and take this opportunity to be with SELF recreating MYSELF

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