I have been having this back chat the last few days that even though I have done self forgiveness it keeps coming up. It has to do with someone going through all my blogs finding something that I wrote in relationship to them yet was not about them but about my mind and the thoughts within my mind. These people wrote me an email with a very condescending message inferring that I was this nasty person not getting what process is about at all. When I replied, and tried to tell them what this was about but they wrote back inferring again that they wouldn’t read my blog again because it was so repulsive.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have energy associated in the form of anger and disgust with taking something personal that someone said about my writing when they didn’t see/realize/understand what walking process is about and made a judgment about who I am and so I reacted to that instead of just breathing through it.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be incensed by the fact that they would fish the internet to look for me in the first place, read through all my blogs and find something that referred to them, taking everything totally out of context and using it against me when the fact is I have put this out on the internet for all to read so that others may learn what we are doing here never thinking these people would want to have anything to do with what I am doing
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have a reaction of being invaded by these people and wanting to defend myself and all the other people who post on the journey to life when I don’t have to because everyone can take care of themselves and are aware what we are exposing ourselves to.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to retaliate in my mind and have back chat and thoughts if I saw them again and go right up to them and say, “oh , why aren’t you at home snooping into my private life and finding things to use against me?” when what I am doing is going into the mind as imagination and creating a personality and character of the “be in your face” kind of person instead of breathing through the energy and being HERE instead of going into the the mind.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have back chat like, “What are you hiding yourself that you have to take an offense and look for things about me on the internet? You must be scared of me finding out something about you” because my mind logically concluded that people only do things like this when they have something to hide themselves and that people only use the internet in their self interest.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not like someone reading my blogs and posts unless they are engaged in a process of self-realization themselves and to be disgusted with voyeurs and hate mongers without seeing/realizing/understanding that I am being that way myself by hanging on to this in the mind and wanting to retaliate and get back at these people.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have memories of people putting me down for what I do with a look of disdain and disapproval and feeling inferior and the underdog and going into my mind like, “I’ll show them, they will have to face themselves at some point and boy will they have some shit to clean up” when just that statement in my mind is one and equal with where they are coming from.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not have been able to forgive people who are intrusive, spiteful, nosy, hateful, condescending and wanting to make them pay for how they are so in fact I am not living my commitments and words as living words but want revenge on people like that and that I am running energy throughout my physical body when I go into character and personality that takes substance from my own physical body when I do that and I have been intrusive, spiteful, nosy, hateful and condescending.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think that it will always be like this, that we will have to face being attacked, being hated, being misunderstood by people who are still in their minds because they are defending the system when what I am doing is being judgmental within and as my mind when I do that and I can just keep walking doing the process and being an example of that instead of going into the mind with spite and hate with back chat.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have a memory when I was working at a place that promoted self awareness and my parents pulled up in their car and looked in the windows and had a condescending look on their faces and so I felt uncomfortable that I had shared something that was very important to me and opened myself up to their scrutiny and this event reminded me of that
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel vulnerable to people’s approval or disapproval and feel fear that they will do something to make my life more difficult because they can’t understand it by ganging up on me and I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to try to prove myself instead of just letting it go being my own worst enemy.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to want to bang people over their heads with what we are doing because I feel all of our lives are in grave peril and that I create more conflict and friction by doing that and people will get it when they do and they are the only ones that can take responsibility for their actions.